Light and Dark

My hair is maybe a quarter of an inch long now. The complete baldness is slowly fading away and being replaced by a fresh new texture. In most places it is soft, some coarse. There appears to be no rhyme or reason for the direction it grows outward toward.

We often view ourselves with a large amount of prejudice. Comparing ourselves to so many other outlets such as people or the media. This is a misleading practice that I for one cannot seem to escape from doing.

The misleading effects of light and dark are like the absence of truth with prejudice. Light and dark construes the reality of our surroundings, leaving us only to trust appearances; these false appearances are like prejudice.

Dawn shows a sliver of light upon the ground, trees,  and houses, making the shadows flow into an abstruse shape, deceiving and defying the true shape of what they really are.

Daylight finally breaks through and now the light shapes the objects we see so we can define them. One knows were the table sits. Where the books are on the desk. If the door is open or closed. However, one still does not see the specifics. What color of cloth is lying on the table. The titles and authors of the books that are sitting on the desk. None of this is apparent. One sees that the object is there, but not what it truly is. 

Dusk comes and stretches out the shadows once again, giving the same effect of defiance as dawn did.

When darkness finally comes, one cannot see anything. Bumping into counters. Tripping over rocks. Receiving not a clue of what lies beside you. So you take out your flashlight and focus it upon the ground and the objects so as to not trip. Now, however, you are being deceived even more. Concentrating only on what you put the sharp beam of light upon. Nothing else around you.

The light blinds a person's view of things. Just as our own prejudicial thoughts of ourselves and others.

I find myself looking at a mirror more often now than ever before. Previously it has always been a brief glance. Is my hair in place? Makeup on without smears or smudges? What is in my eye? Allowing only a beam of light to hit certain parts to be apparent. This is not just with the physical appearance of ourselves, but the emotional and mental as well. We view slivers in full light without noticing the detail, or portions in a distorted light form.

Now I allow my eyes to trace the contour of my face. I am searching for the author of my book. Physically speaking I believe I am becoming more secure or at least more accepting of many of my attributes. It is a step of my ultimate and never ending goal of changing the way I think. How I think.

Shoppers in the store have stopped and stared at my lack of locks. Some look at me with pity. I only imagine they think I am fighting cancer. Others allow their lips to turn into small smiles before turning away so I may not see them laugh. Inside I am only observing and documenting these reactions. Personally it has not had the emotional effect on me as I thought it would.

Perhaps this shaving of my head is a cleansing that I needed. A way to look beyond what I see in the light or dark without my tainting of prejudice. The hatred or disappointment that seems to be there inside of me, who I am, or the lack of who I am.