Perception

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." ~ Anais Nin

After every few moments of turning the knob, the water grows from warm to hot. I finally sit naked, vulnerable on the shower floor. My knees folded to my chest, pressed against my breasts. Neck bent, hair stuck to my face. I can feel the water gathering and moving down to my chin and draining off.

As the heat is turning my skin bright pink I hope the water is washing away the delusion I had been holding onto.

There are few things as hard to take than the realization the world you have built is not entirely true. Perception is a tricky concept.

Tonight I began to wonder, this intuitive knowledge had begun to sweep over me. Then I had to ask. The answer of course proved my instincts correct. Almost instantly my gut wrenched, my body closed. My perception of my world has changed.

So in the shower I sat, washing away the old so I could therefore live in the more real, accurate world. Like any change or realization that transforms how you see things it is not easy to take in. Take in I must.

Skin warm and pink I turn off the shower and dry off. Ready to begin living in this new vision. Adaptation is essential to survival. Survival is the key to living.

We should always be willing to learn new things. Allow ourselves to grow and change. To appreciate what we have. It is out of desire and disappointment that we suffer. We must acknowledge, accept, appreciate, and adapt.

This process will change that evil necessity to label things as either good or bad to just is. It is the just is we live in, and it is the just is we learn from.

So here is to our perceptions, the reality behind them, and the growing we must acheive to be better people.

"To begin with, our perception of the world is deformed, incomplete. Then our memory is selective. Finally, writting transforms." ~Claude Simon

Adytum

While I hear rustling of the footsteps, I am silent

Near the edge of inner-awareness, I realize I exist

Quiet, Breath, and Reflection

This is what I am

This is what I feel

This is my Adytum

My fascination with certain words has been apparent in previous posts. I tend to latch onto a word and hold it. Many times I fear sharing the word. You cannot hold onto a word like a physical piece of property. Something to hide or that has monetary value, not words. Language is far more precious than that.

Yet, it is that word that often brings warmth, connection, significance, or some sort of realization that I want to hold dear. To share the word often exposes a part of me that I may not be fully ready to share. Fearful to allow such exposure to an inner world be opened up.

This blog has been though just that in the past. So what a more perfect place than to allow the safety net to drop than here?

I partly blame my high school English teacher, Mrs. Harper who had me write an entire paper over the word nostalgia. It was a daunting task that I dragged my feet doing the entire time. Looking back I think I owe her a huge thank you note. Perhaps over the word thankful…

My iTouch has given me the word of the day. Adytum.

Adytum - noun - a sacred place that the public is forbidden to enter; an inner shrine

Throughout my adolescent years much of my poetry had contained many remarks or references to a building of my own world. More recently I often find myself reverting to a world of my own that I do not allow many in. Usually it resides amongst the stalks of a corn field, or listening to a Great Lake whisper secrets to me as a new friend watches silently by. In any case we all have our own adytum.

The place we go to for reassurance, to regain composure, center ourselves, so we may reconnect with the universe and the people around us.

I am unsure if we truly allow anyone in. We may allow them to walk among the garden, sit in our library, or eat dinner. To truly go to our inner shrine, our sanctuary, that is an honorary exception. Often those visits are short lived, a breath, a blink of an eye and it is gone. For me when someone gets that close to stepping inside I want to push away.

How could someone feel comfortable inside such an intimate place that is designed for someone else? Would there be understanding? Approval? Is there need for approval? The fact that this is an individual’s safe place, their own world, the fear of it not being acceptable could indeed shatter it. Thus no longer being our very own place, and if we allowed everyone in, it would no longer be forbidden or private.

There are times though when we as individuals wish to penetrate those walls, asks for the key to the gates, and want to do more than just visit. How do we give those keys over?

This world of our own is not always a specific place we go to, but sometimes just the inner feelings we do not like to share or wish to keep to ourselves. The underlying connections or emotions that we keep to ourselves, or in the least try to.

Right now I feel a little uncomfortable and yet at the same time safer, almost a strange relief comes over me when I realize that someone else is able to see into my world at times. The vision he sees is not always clear, and the physical cues are not obvious, but he knows where my mind is at.

To have someone able to do this, almost feel a connection that words cannot describe, is scary and yet not. Allowing someone into my inner world may not be my first desire, I am perplexed and curious. How will this impact my life? How does this effect my relationship? What if….

My what ifs must not override or take control. I need to learn to trust my adytum, my inner world and sanctuary. Allowing one person in will not mean a whole floodgate will open for the masses, but could mean for an amazing partnership.

While I hear rustling of the footsteps, I am silent

Near the edge of inner-awareness, I realize I exist

Quiet, Breath, and Reflection

This is what I am

This is what I feel

This is my Adytum

"What Would Jesus Do?"

“Humility is the only true wisdom by which we prepare our minds for all the possible changes of life.” ~George Arliss

Often times we read or speak of humility. Words such as humble, honest, and modest accompany; or it is compared against arrogance or pride. How many of us could accurately define humility? I, myself, was forming a list of synonyms before I could come up with a precise definition.

Humility - noun - the quality or condition of being humble modest

opinion or estimate of one’s own importance, rank etc

All of my readers know that I am very, (perhaps I should say VERY) opinionated. What many do not know, or able to see in the back screen is my process of getting to the opinions I have, had or will have. Yes, I said had, or will have. The past and present tense.

Part of growing and developing, or discovering, is changing, or evolving. Evolution is a natural adaptation, a change over time. Without placing myself as a small participant of the humankind, or creatures in general, I could never learn about the amazing concepts, theories, and workings of the world.

In our “civilized” society though, too many times do we forget that. As humans we place ourselves as the biggest, and most important part of the world and nature. The world revolves around us, not us as a part of the world.

Having the ‘unfortunate’ opportunity of having access to television the past two weeks I have became so irate, angry, completely overwhelmed with my emotional barriers to intellectual growth. Then again how much intellectual growth can one really achieve in front of the “boob” tube?

There is a huge movement in our life time that many people are acutely aware of, or are extremely afraid of and thus denial sets in. I am speaking of the growing numbers in those who are stepping out of the closet and admitting to losing their faith in the organized religion they struggle to hold on to or their complete lack of faith.

Before you exit, finish reading. I promise this is not a religion bashing post. Rather a reflection of how a lack of humility may be a cause of losing ground, not just in the religious numbers, but in any controversial issue.

Without being able to be humble, modest, remove our idea of self importance, we can not remove the importance we place on personal issues. Many are strong advocates of the Special Olympics. Why? Because it touches their lives in some form. Breast Cancer Awareness Month, March of Dimes, Teen Pregnancy Centers, the list goes on. These issues do affect society as a whole, but more directly and a harder impact on those who are connected to those issues.

Our inability to remove that strong connection can be counterproductive to our desired result. Being blinded by our own emotions does not allow us to see another perspective, solution, or path that could ultimately contribute to our desired goal.

While sometimes we may be giving up a little bit of ground, we could in the end win the race. For example, a middle school in the North Eastern portion of the United States is allowing children to exchange gifts on their own time in the school. Calling a decorated tree a holiday tree, and seasons greetings. Many Christians are upset. They feel they are losing ground and control. Perhaps if they could step back and see that the children are still allowed to say “Merry Christmas”, they could see that the students in the Christian faith are not losing anything. If at all anything their strength to continue without “adult” guidance or a school “Christmas” party, should make many believers smile. Warmth should feel your hearts. Why? Because it is this generation of students that will show the true warmth of what many preach “Jesus” is about. Compassion, love, acceptance. A few steps back, and twice as many forward.

I have seen the movie “Pay It Forward” on television several times as of late. How one act can indeed cause a true domino effect. You may say, wait a minute, didn’t that kid die? Yes, he did. His life was cut short. The point though is what he did with that life. Every time he felt like his choice in his plan had failed he choose a different path and tried again. He re-evaluated the situation. That young boy placed himself on the small scale, and thought about the picture as a whole.

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” ~Rick Warren

So, my challenge to myself and you this “Holiday/Christmas/Kwanza/Hanaku/Whatever” Season is this: “What Would Jesus Do?” Are you lost yet? If so then you missed the point and I encourage you to reflect and re-read. If you are smiling, and some of you shaking your head while laughing (giggles) then you caught my point.

Have an amazing transition into winter and enjoy all the blessings the changing of the seasons have in store for us.