Being In Contact

"Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it." ~ Anais Nin

It was not that long ago that I was struggling. Struggling to survive, to live, to be a mother. Today, I wake with the glowing of promises of hope of what each day will bring. Everyday I find something that surprises me. Moments that make me laugh. Events that sadden me and remind me I am here to love, forgive, have compassion and hope for all that touch my life.

This weekend Shawn, the kids and I traveled to see my sister. I wanted to give my daughter the opportunity to celebrate her 6th birthday with her cousin. They are only three weeks apart and rarely get a chance to see one another.

My sister is one of the most creative, sweet, amazing women I know. Her natural ability to be a mom never ceases to amaze me. I strive each and every day to be a fraction of the mother that she is.

This weekend my sister gave me an opportunity to cross off an item from my "bucket list". She took us ice skating. While it was not technically on ice, it was still on ice skates.

In high school I watched my sister glide on rollerblades with precision, ease, grace, and elegant movements. I sat on the chair in the living room struggling to stand in the heavy, bulky items that clung to my feet. They felt so out of place. Confined to my ankles leaving me wobbly and unable to even stand. My dream of learning to ice skate slowly diminishing with the reality that I could not even stand in rollerblades, let alone glide on the ice on a pair of dangerous pieces of metal.

Saturday I watched my daughter glide easily as though it were not her first time. She was all smiles. My son was holding tightly onto my sisters hand. He was more unsure, wobbly, clumsy, he is his mothers' son.

Finally I stood. A little girl near me gave words of encouragement. Telling me it isn't real ice, just slide my feet. How sweet this connection. Soon my son was holding my hand and the two of us were trying to walk like new born calves.

I am ready to try again. This time in a smaller pair of ice skates. Maybe I will even get to graduate to real ice!

Later that evening I received a phone call that reminded me where I was just a couple of years ago. How alone I felt. The thoughts that were so jumbled in my mind.

The voice I heard was not my own. The words were words that I had thought though. Those statements, I had made those statements before.

As my eyes filled with tears, my heart was sinking. How I wished I could take this moment and hold this woman close to me. To hold her hand and help her along the way. If I could take any of the pain and struggles just by listening to the voice on the other end, I would have.

This contact, this connection, humbled me and reminded me that we are always healing, changing, growing, and becoming the person we will be while seeing and loving the person we are. Sometimes we have to see the wounds and accept the fact that there will be scars. It doesn't mean those scars will disfigure us forever.

As I climbed back into bed I felt my husbands arms wrap around me. His breath touching my neck as he spoke. Always asking about how I am, what he can do. I have never met, nor been with someone who spends almost every waking moment thinking of someone other than himself. He inspires me to be better than what I am. His thoughtfulness for others is a constant encouragement for me to do the same.

So many human connections to reflect on from this weekend. Not one would I take away, but some I wish I could connect with more. There is never enough time in the day to express to all the people in your life how much they mean to you. Each time you connect with a person, even the same person, it is unique. That moment between you and that person will never be the same again. How do you preserve those amazing moments?

It's The Little Things

I reach under neath my chair and grab the canned fruit. The hard cylinder is grasped within my fingers. I hand the can over to my son who smiles and grabs it while leaving me his beloved woof. I tell him don't run, walk slowly. An okay from him and he is off.

Watching this tall little boy in footy pajamas with dog ears on the feet walking quickly from our seats to the front of the church, I giggled. He drops the can in the basket and off he goes, back to us.

Only after he is back in my arms do I realize, perhaps letting my little one attend Mass in his dog pajamas may offend someone. That little act of allowing a little boy be just a little boy could somehow result back to someone else as a sign of disrespect to the church.

Once Mass was over and we were walking across to the other side to gather my daughter who was sitting with her Nana, a gentleman comes by. He says, next Sunday I am wearing a pair of those!

As I sit with my son on the couch he grabs my hand and kisses it. Tells me he loves me. My husband and I both smile. My son is mimicking the actions of affection he sees Shawn show me. This delights me because I feel that he sees a small action and knows this is how we should treat a girl. My heart is warmed.

Sandra had told me this weekend, Mommy you are prettier than pretty. I reply, Sis you are prettier than pretty! Then hearing the echo of Logan telling his sister how pretty she is. My instinct tells me we are living a life lesson. Sharing, caring, and learning to accept, give and receive compliments.

Watching my children give eskimo kisses to the children of a friend. This is proof that I am indeed teaching them to build relationships, and how to love another. I am leading by example of what a friend is, even if they don't fully understand the situation that has led these children to our home on a school night.

Seeing the smile of a mom as I take pictures of her children with Santa, and then later emailing them to her, that brings me joy. When asked by my husband who was that you were taking pictures for, I shrug, I don't know, I reply. He smiles at me. I have brought him joy.

You see, it is the little things. Each being a gift. A lesson. Living your life simply means living for the moment. Living a full filling life that means living for the little things. My list could go on and on. The fact that I am able to sit down, write them out, and reflect brings me a peace and calm that I just love.

I want to live a  life centered around all these little things.