As I sit with my iTouch in my hand scrolling through Facebook pages of people I know, or knew, or barely met I read their writings. I devour writings. I do the same with blogs, random blogs, blogs of friends, it doesn't seem to matter. While they lack the feeling of holding a book, lack the smell of the pages as I can flip through them, they hold something else. A momentary instant connection.
I began a status for my Facebook tonight on my little iTouch and realized quickly how long it was going to be. How much I seemed to have bottled up inside needing to be released, to be let out that I sat aside my iTouch and came into my Mother-In-Law's computer room and turned on her computer. It is here where I sit typing my thoughts and whirl wind of emotion out.
Earlier this week I had a therapy appointment. I love going to my therapy appointments. I get to ramble freely and without reservation. At one point in time my therapist said, "You over analyze, you over think, you have always had this problem."
He is right. I don't know how to stop it or how to detour it. It sometimes appears as wasted energy, however you can multitask when thinking. Perhaps then, not so much. I just need to learn to focus it.
For the past few months I have been reading and rereading some writings posted on a Facebook profile of a person I barely knew. Her writing flows like water, taking you threw cracks, over rocks, in between grass blades that are growing up at the edges. Bringing you to calming, cool pools where the current appears to stop before pulling you along for the journey yet again. All the while you keep thinking, I have read this once before, I know where this current is taking me, and then surprise! Your emotions are taken down a different path each time. Learning, discovering something new about yourself. Taking you out of your comfort zone and into something new, scary, or even sometimes warming and inviting.
At times I feel as though someone is sitting beside me as I read. I can almost feel a warmth, hear a laugh as I struggle with the tears. I do not want people reading this thinking I am crying because I am said or depressed. No, I am crying because I am touched with memories that I want to hold onto and must not grip. I need to open my hand and allow them to run threw my fingers like sand. I am emotional because I seem to have a hard time keeping my gaurd up lately. My walls of my little fortress barely seem to even be there. They have been replaced by carefully planted gardens, trees, something that still allows protection, but a path.
I read about beauty, beliefs, connections. When I close my eyes I can see this person, I can hear her voice as she had answered my questions so long ago when I was younger. When I was more afraid and lost.
You should live for today and love who you are. Take a chance and find out who that person is. That person should always be evolving, changing, developing, and becoming something new. The goal should be to always want to be more in tune with who you are, and who you are becoming.
We should never shun the conversation from the stranger that sits across from us in the waiting room at the doctors office, ignore the child in the store who wants to share with you their imaginary friend. You never know what a short sixty second conversation may do. How it can touch you, teach you, change you.
Sometimes we forget that we are all connected. We all hold the ability to touch another's heart, mind, or spirit.
"Changing the world is good for those who want their names in books. But being happy, that is for those who write their names in lives of others, and hold the hearts of others as the treasurers most dear." Orson Scott Card.
