My Spiritual Journey ~ Part 1

Through my short stay at the hospital I made it a goal to determine what my identity is. My previous blogs reek of the reoccuring theme that I have no idea who I am.  Sometimes I get close. However, I know I am still lost on this. Time to start with some building blocks.

One of those building blocks I belive is knowing where you stand spirituality, or a lack of spirituality.

The faith that many people posses has always left me in awe, bewilderment, and sometimes even a bit envious. How is it that they just know? That fire that burns inside. No need for scientific beyond the doubt proof that a God exisits. Hence it is called faith.

This has always had me focus on finding the right faith. A religion that made me burn with surity and bring me peace. Faith, trust, truth, acceptance. 

Many of you reading this are thinking, believe in Jesus! He and the heavenly father will love you unconditionaly. If you accept Jesus as your personal savior and have a relationship with him. 

I do not have that burning truth. That faith is not within me. Then again, neither is it with Judiasm, Hindusim, or the Wiccan faith. What am I?

Up until a few weeks ago I would have said I believe in reincarnation. Now, I do not know. There is no scientific proof of that. Perhaps I have been using that as a crutch. Maybe my fear of living for the now, using the next life will be better as an excuse. How is that different then saying, Heaven will be better?

I feel very connected with the Earth as being my creator. The wind, water, soil, and crops bring me peace. I admire the sun and the moon. A connection that was once beyond the scope of our understanding between the Earth, sun and moon is exciting and amazingly great. This brings me peace.

So there will be a series of blogs in regard of my answer to this question. Where do I stand in my faith or a lack of? I need to stop walking along the fence post and decide. Dedicate and commit myself finally to something. The process by which I have been trying to do this has not worked. Time to change it. I have been striving to answer the question of what do I believe in. The question I should be answering is do I believe a God of any kind can even exist.

If the answer is yes, then I must go to the next step and find that faith. What religion?

If the answer is no, then I must finally accept that and know I can still live with compassion and acceptance. One does not necessarily need a God to be those things. 

"In our tenure of this planet we've accumulated dangerous evolutionary baggage—propensities for aggression and ritual, submission to leaders, hostility to outsiders—all of which puts our survival in some doubt. But we've also acquired compassion for others, love for our children and desire to learn from history and experience, and a great soaring passionate intelligence—the clear tools for our continued survival and prosperity. Which aspects of our nature will prevail is uncertain, particularly when our visions and prospects are bound to one small part of the small planet Earth." ~ Carl Sagan

Yet, I feel that humans desire and yearn for a higher being. Is this a desire out of need or is it something more?

As for now, I am going to start my journey. I have some amazing resources from my Atheist friends, a bible, some great blogs to read, and of course my instinct to follow. This is not going to be easy. 

No matter what the conclusion I still want to raise my children to be knowledgeable, accepting, open minded, and compassionate people. I want them to learn and be equipped with the right tools to make this choice for themselves someday.