Trust Myself

"I've learned to trust myself, to listen to truth, to not be afraid of it and to not try and hide it."~Sarah Mclachlan

I am not sure where to begin. Perhaps I should break it down, and maybe that will help me explain the whirlwind in my head in regards to this.

Trust-reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, of a person or thing; confident expectation of something, hope

Truth-an obvious or accepted fact; truism; platitude

Fear-a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, whether the threat is real or imagined;

Afraid-feeling reluctance, unwillingness, regret, unhappiness, filled with apprehension

In order to trust myself, I first need to believe in my integrity, and strength. I need to be confident in me. I believe that this is a task that truly takes the majority of the people a lifetime to achieve. How many people can stand up and say I know I am strong, I know my ability and it is truly great. Not many, and of those who can are usually immodest, bumptious, or have no true insight to who they are. Unwilling to admit weaknesses.

It is okay to have a weakness and still find yourself strong and able. We all have characteristics and habits we wish to work on, to change, develop. The building block of doing so is to begin to trust yourself, and see what you are truly capable of. How can you truly trust others if you cannot even rely and trust yourself?

An additional stepping point in building this trust is truth. On the road to self discovery and improvement we must accept the truth about ourselves, the facts not the opinions. For instance, I have accepted the fact that I am overly opinionated. I lack the discernment necessary sometimes in order to be tactful in my communicating of those opinions. This results in offending, and yes, even antagonizing, disgusting, distressing, and disturbing people that I do not mean to. This characteristic I have is nauseating and exasperating at times.

I have accepted this truth, I am constantly working on this. I try very hard to be cognizant of this fact, so when I am attempting to communicate, I am trying to be more thoughtful about how the message is going to be received. I fail at this daily, it is a goal I feel I will never reach, but self improvement is a permanent, persistent, and unending process. All I can do is continue to try, to struggle.

We all fear what we are inside, underneath the presentation we try to give to others. Think for a moment, do you fear of someone judging you before they get to know you? Are you fearful of what others may come to think if they knew your mistakes, misgivings? Our lack of trust in ourselves may presage the fear of ourselves. I recently came to discover that I did not fear the loss of my closest friends if I were to express my mental anguish, but feared rather they would accept it. The dark side of my mind I am fearful of, and do not want to accept, if they accept it, then I should accept it; or at least learn to accept it.

I am personally afraid of all of this. Self development, acceptance, tolerance, love, self esteem. If I want to teach my children to accept others I need to teach them to accept themselves. How can I do that if I do not fully accept me?

"He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened."~ Lao Tzu

I believe it is only through this enlightenment that we can fully trust ourselves, to no longer be afraid.