How Do You Say Goodbye?

If you had the chance to have a last conversation with someone that you had lost, what would you say? Would you say anything different knowing it was the last time you would hear their voice?

I had that opportunity, times two, two different conversations, two people, two goodbyes, two last times. Would I do it differently now that it is over? Would I have said something else? Did I forget anything? The answer is no.

Being able to have the time with my Grandma to talk like we used to, about everything, was perfect. I was able to ramble on about my new job, selling our home, buying the new home, my dog, my kids, my fears, all in a conversation filled with energy and emotion last Friday morning. She smiled, reassured me, told me not to be scared.

I was able to express my gratitude and appreciation for all that she had done for me. To which she had replied, I have done nothing. At which time I was glad to produce a short list, taking me prom dress shopping, choosing colleges, moving me to college, hot teas, Arsenic and Old Lace, inspiring me to be artistic, listening to me talk, and buying me a car for school.

How can I even begin to express to this woman how much I loved her? In college I had to change my cell phone plan to meet the demands of how often we talked. No, my last conversations left nothing out. She recognized my voice before I even walked into her room. She knew I loved her, hopefully she knew how much I appreciated her.

My baby sisters father, a man in my life that loved me as his own. I was not even sure if he knew I was there most of last week, then Thursday. Thursday he cried, sat up and tried to hug me. Reaching out for me. I told him I was bringing his baby girl to see him the next day. Told him about Sandra and Karate, Logan and Diesel. I told him I was sorry for not bringing them to see him. Friday I brought my baby sister. Sang to him a childhood song I learned from his family that I sing to my children.

He recognized her, nodded when I said, see told you I would bring her. I told him I knew that he loved me. That I loved him. Apologizing as I left, explaining I had to get back to Kansas for a wedding. He nodded his head. 

I lost these two people, on the same day, hours apart. Do I have anything left to say that I should have said? Perhaps a simple I will miss you and thank you for one last conversation.